Every now and then, this question pops up in my mind, “Why do I learn music?” Sometimes the answers are not compelling enough.
Yes, I enjoy it. But I can as well sing on my own, the way I always used to do- snatches of songs, lilts of tunes that enter my mind as I move through the day. That has always been very enjoyable.
Why go through the rigour, attempting to squeeze practice time into an already overloaded schedule – slipping in ‘palta practice’ while the rice is getting burnt and sitting at the tabla while my son is having a bath, knowing that I will be interrupted periodically, with questions like, “Where is my towel?” and “Do I really need to put cream?”
Trying to learn notations doesn’t come naturally to me. Notes, attempted, often fail to reach the appropriate place. I hate audiences and don’t particularly enjoy singing in groups or for gatherings. So… why?
Initially, I started music to help my son sustain his music practice. And it still does so. Even when he is not practicing, just hearing me play and sing a raga somehow instills it in his mind and I hear him humming it unconsciously. But now, our music has evolved to a stage where we are not always learning the same thing together. And he is old enough to begin an independent practice. Why then?
My next observation was that practicing music in a focused way made me feel better. Rigorous practice requires a level of concentration that humming or singing snatches of a song to oneself often doesn’t contain. In particular, my headaches (which had troubled me a lot) seemed to reduce or recede and I felt more relaxed. This was certainly a good reason to continue, but, my mind argued, “I could probably feel similar effects with a combination of swimming and yoga, which I already know and enjoy.”
So.. back to square one - dealing with annoying yet persistent thoughts which ask me, “Why, at this age, when you have never done it before? Why, when you are struggling with keeping pace with compositions learnt months ago? Why, when learning a simple song takes about eternity? Why, when there is so much pending work piling up?”
This morning, I thought about it again. This time I came up with a new answer.
I am learning music because it is the perfect way to express certain moods and feelings. Each note brings forth a certain energy that I feel within and that reverberates in the air around me. Each classic composition that I like to learn has something new to offer – in terms of creating different effects with notes. When I make contact with or approach a note in the right way, it resonates with a certain beauty and clarity.
I relate to the lyrics of classical songs and the sounds of ancient compositions (several of which were composed without words). Where words are used, I marvel at the way in which they have been fitted to music- particular words that are set to specific notes that bring out their relevance or feeling in an extraordinary way. Sometimes I try to imagine what the composers might have felt while creating this music and I also ask myself what I feel about it, and how best I can express this in my music. It indulges the poet and imaginer in me.
When I sit at the tabla and try out a taal, something stirs within. An old rhythm, heard but unheard for a long time.
Music connects me to a different world- more than outside, it seems to take me to a world inside. A world that connects me more closely to the things I love- the sounds of nature, the feeling of serenity and the joy of creating or expressing something beautiful.
And that is why, I continue to learn music.
