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| Relaxing near the Bhadra river |
Life has become much richer these days as I have stopped keeping track of the pace of my life and have allowed things flow in a more natural way.
Juggling with subjects that interested me, keeping in mind the research schedule (or lack of it) of a husband who is immersed in science, and the needs of a ten year old son was quite do-able. However, doing it without worrying about perfect control and timing was hard.
Until I decided that life was meant to be lived in a different way. No more staying up late pondering over the best way to teach my child Kannada (the second language in school, and a language I am barely familiar with) or what menu I should plan for a diverse set of scientists (some who were pure vegetarians, thriving on a coconut rich diet and some hearty meat eaters who preferred the pungence of mustard) or how to fit in the fruit and vegetable shopping after my morning yoga schedule without getting tangled in office hour traffic jams. You get the picture...
Things changed when my husband pointed out that lack of sleep is a major trigger for migraines and even low levels of background stress doesn't help the situation. I had been planning to let go of my 'targets' and 'to do' lists for a while, but after hearing this I resolutely took the plunge.. I was helped a lot by my teachers, who have appeared in my life over the last several years. With their patient and kind instructions and with my own inner compass at work, I gradually began to step into the slow lane.
How did the journey begin? It seems now that all the things I was attempting to learn were interconnected and formed a kind of grid that helped me relax and slow down without losing focus on the present moment. This required cutting off a lot of mental noise and delving within, being unafraid of both failure and perfection, of enjoying the process without wondering where it would lead to and whether it would be two good to last.
"That is not your job," said my music teacher. " Your job is to enjoy the learning". And so I began.
I learn music slowly, one note at a time, getting the feel of the sound, the pauses - what to do in the gaps, how to string the notes together - through my voice or the tabla - and create different energies. I learn the importance of going slow without breaking the rhythm (practicing in vilambit taal) before moving on to higher speeds.
Controlling my breathing is a challenge for me. But it is becoming a lot easier because of my pranayama practice. I sit with my yoga teacher and practice breathing for over an hour each time. Different ways of breath control, with the mind focused on each inhalation and exhalation. There is supposed to be a relaxed flow, a balance of incoming and outgoing air, with moments in between of the complete cessation of breathing. It is amazing how good it feels to just breathe and not think of anything else. My teacher's decades of experience and very precise instructions and demonstration are of immense value.
This training also helps me in my swimming (I have recently begun swimming lessons). The coach emphasizes the importance of slowness and synchronicity while training - of feeling the stretch, relaxing the joints, and maintaining the rhythm and flow of the movements and breathing. My music and yoga serve me well here. Being in water lifts my mood and clears my mind almost instantly.
Not every task is completed according to the anticipated schedule. Not every box is ticked off on my time table. But I am sleeping better. I managed to bake chocolate brownies and discuss science with my husband. I managed to read an entire novel in a fortnight and wonder about how to attract stingless bees in our garden, with my son. I even managed to write this blog!
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| Sunset in Goa |
I am attaching a link to a short Odissi dance recording that I think mirrors my feelings. It is a recording of Guru Kelucharan Mohapatra - who spent his entire life dancing and composing dance movements because that is all he wished to do.
