The end of the year is just a calendar reminder to stop and think of one's resolution for the year to come. It's something I always like to do and the best resolutions are the ones that don't wait for the year to end before being implemented!
Sometimes, it's not very easy to think of one particular thing, but there are times when a specific thought slips itself into my mind effortlessly, as has happened this year.
This year has been marked by great changes in our lives, and for me, the most important, through the ups and downs, has been the expression of the spirit (as I perceived it, in myself and others). I usually refrain from dwelling overly on personal details but have decided to do so, for this blog.
As I write, my son, Nayan, weaves his way through nursery school, with optimism and determination; qualities that I hope will serve him well through his life. He is learning how to deal with things he doesn't understand, things that scare him or worry him. As we ourselves are.
An unexpected death in the family left us grappling with pain, wondering how to deal with it and what to make of death - and life. I am grateful that my mother-in-law lived an active and happy life almost upto the end, and left with very little suffering. I am grateful also for parts of her which live on in spirit- in the things she did and, in some way, in Nayan.
This year, my husband found an opportunity to extend his scientific creativity (an essential part of his life) to do some of the research that he was not able to easily do in his academic life (which continues alongside). He has started a company to design new flu vaccines. This is a big leap of faith that appears to be leading to much satisfaction (and fatigue)! It would not have been possible without his business partner, ex-student and old friend, Gautham, who complements, supports and sustains the company. They are the only two employees, as of now!
As for myself, life has taken me down yet another untraversed path. I'm just beginning to pick up the threads and feel my way through. I have a new routine (at least on school days) that I had not really planned in any way.
My yoga practice has restarted, in a slow but definite way. I sense the presence of my yoga teachers and something leads me on, one small step at a time.
At the start of the year, I had a head full of ideas for books and I wrote one (a children's book called 'Marco Polo Gets A Job!'). As months went by, most of the other ideas evaporated, leaving me in blankness. Blankness is not something I despair of or dread, it usually indicates a period of shifting and refocussing of energy. I just let things be.
Finally, this month, I got the feeling that the most fulfilling thing to do (fortunately I have the option!) is to listen to my spirit.
Dentists' clinics have their advantages! While waiting for yet another filling to be done, I began reading Walden and came upon this line- "The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be preserved only by the most delicate handling. Yet we do not treat ourselves nor one another thus tenderly." I had plenty of time to dwell on it (and hope the dentist did too!) and it resonated somewhere deep within. Soon after, things began to get a little clearer.
I awoke the next morning (pain free!) with the thought that I was really missing my diary. I had kept a diary for years and had abandoned it at some moment when other forms of writing emerged. While I express a few of my thoughts and experiences through my blogs, I realized that I would like to spend a little time on writing for myself. Jotting down thoughts and stray bits of information that might be of no particular interest to anyone else.
Memories flashed through me - not of my own diaries- but those of my mother and grandmother. Very distinct and different from mine, and from each other- providing just a glimpse of their lives, with gaps to be filled through knowledge or imagination. As time and energy is limited, I know this will cut into my professional or everyday writing, but it feels like the perfect thing to do at this moment.
This was by no means the end of my instinctive decisions. Things got curiouser and curiouser. The next change involved my reading. I have a large collection of cookbooks and books on food that I have not had time to look at. It seems a bit ridiculous to spend a precious hour perusing these when I cannot possibly try the recipes immediately, and when there is a long list of already pending chores to be attended to.
But I just felt like reaching out for those books - and so I did; thus I began reading about food once more.
This feels absolutely right and it leaves me with happy, intriguing thoughts on cooking and eating. To my surprise, this has also led to ideas on clearing and tidying up, beginning (not surprisingly) with the kitchen. One step paves the way for the next, and I find myself carrying out my pending chores in an unplanned but simple manner (they are far from over, in case you would like to know!).
I have seen this ease and efficiency when the spirit (a word I use, but others may put it differently) expresses itself - a non linear, ill defined path that a computer would not be able to traverse, but which humans can do effortlessly at times. Often it results in the feeling, "Why didn't I think of this before?"
I am grateful for all the help and happiness I received this year through various people, near and far. Many friends reached out to us during our time of grief, the thoughts and feelings they shared helped to comfort us and fill a void.
Apart from this, there were acquaintances and friends, new and old, who made a difference to my life this year. I'm mentioning a few of them-
Our cook in Delhi, Pushkar, who spent his own money in keeping the household going while my mother-in-law was in hospital, and did not even mention it until he was asked when his last salary had been paid. He knows what each person likes to eat and makes a special effort to cook these when we visit, without our asking.
My driver, Busanna, who received a call yesterday morning, telling him that his young nephew had died in the village. He was driving Nayan and me to school and did not tell me until we reached. He tried to make arrangements to go home once his driving duty for the day ended, but this meant he would miss the funeral, and so he decided not to go. I was making arrangements for another driver but he said it would not be necessary.
These are the kinds of people upon whom we depend, without whom our lives would be much harder and less happy, and it is only fair (as Pushkar requested while talking at my mother-in-law's memorial) that they be treated with consideration and compassion.
Other people, who, by being what they are, have enriched my life, and that of my family-
Nora, a wonderful friend, and a gifted acupuncturist, whose wisdom and love always help me while I am faltering (and whose writing I love to read).
Danny, whose quest for tribal carpets leads him to central Asia, but also to Bangalore, where his carpets now have a happy home. He spontaneously and very kindly offered his newly set up carpet studio as a place to hold a memorial for my mother-in-law, and it was the perfect place for such an occasion. His family- Renuka, Luri and Tulu, who bring us great happiness in little ways.
Prakash, one of the last few accordion players in the country, who plays just because he wants to (and has an immense repertoire of music stored in his head) - who deals with family responsibilities with the same apparent ease that he displays while playing his music.
Amit, the jazz guitarist, who is trying to make a place for himself in busy LA, but who always has time for us when he's visiting Bangalore.
Vikram, a new friend discovered during my son's swimming expeditions, an author who spends his time writing and swimming and occasionally giving me advice on how to get published (with no success so far)!
Tanu, sister-in-law, but more of a sister and friend, the one I turn to for all my needs in Delhi (and who never fails in her attempts to help!)
Andrej, the scientist of Slovenian origin, with an extraordinary mind and heart, who stepped into our lives quite by chance.
To these, and others who make our lives rich and complete- and to all my readers - for helping me sustain this blog! A big thank you (for wading through my writing) and a happy new year!
Sometimes, it's not very easy to think of one particular thing, but there are times when a specific thought slips itself into my mind effortlessly, as has happened this year.
This year has been marked by great changes in our lives, and for me, the most important, through the ups and downs, has been the expression of the spirit (as I perceived it, in myself and others). I usually refrain from dwelling overly on personal details but have decided to do so, for this blog.
As I write, my son, Nayan, weaves his way through nursery school, with optimism and determination; qualities that I hope will serve him well through his life. He is learning how to deal with things he doesn't understand, things that scare him or worry him. As we ourselves are.
An unexpected death in the family left us grappling with pain, wondering how to deal with it and what to make of death - and life. I am grateful that my mother-in-law lived an active and happy life almost upto the end, and left with very little suffering. I am grateful also for parts of her which live on in spirit- in the things she did and, in some way, in Nayan.
This year, my husband found an opportunity to extend his scientific creativity (an essential part of his life) to do some of the research that he was not able to easily do in his academic life (which continues alongside). He has started a company to design new flu vaccines. This is a big leap of faith that appears to be leading to much satisfaction (and fatigue)! It would not have been possible without his business partner, ex-student and old friend, Gautham, who complements, supports and sustains the company. They are the only two employees, as of now!
As for myself, life has taken me down yet another untraversed path. I'm just beginning to pick up the threads and feel my way through. I have a new routine (at least on school days) that I had not really planned in any way.
My yoga practice has restarted, in a slow but definite way. I sense the presence of my yoga teachers and something leads me on, one small step at a time.
At the start of the year, I had a head full of ideas for books and I wrote one (a children's book called 'Marco Polo Gets A Job!'). As months went by, most of the other ideas evaporated, leaving me in blankness. Blankness is not something I despair of or dread, it usually indicates a period of shifting and refocussing of energy. I just let things be.
Finally, this month, I got the feeling that the most fulfilling thing to do (fortunately I have the option!) is to listen to my spirit.
Dentists' clinics have their advantages! While waiting for yet another filling to be done, I began reading Walden and came upon this line- "The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be preserved only by the most delicate handling. Yet we do not treat ourselves nor one another thus tenderly." I had plenty of time to dwell on it (and hope the dentist did too!) and it resonated somewhere deep within. Soon after, things began to get a little clearer.
I awoke the next morning (pain free!) with the thought that I was really missing my diary. I had kept a diary for years and had abandoned it at some moment when other forms of writing emerged. While I express a few of my thoughts and experiences through my blogs, I realized that I would like to spend a little time on writing for myself. Jotting down thoughts and stray bits of information that might be of no particular interest to anyone else.
Memories flashed through me - not of my own diaries- but those of my mother and grandmother. Very distinct and different from mine, and from each other- providing just a glimpse of their lives, with gaps to be filled through knowledge or imagination. As time and energy is limited, I know this will cut into my professional or everyday writing, but it feels like the perfect thing to do at this moment.
This was by no means the end of my instinctive decisions. Things got curiouser and curiouser. The next change involved my reading. I have a large collection of cookbooks and books on food that I have not had time to look at. It seems a bit ridiculous to spend a precious hour perusing these when I cannot possibly try the recipes immediately, and when there is a long list of already pending chores to be attended to.
But I just felt like reaching out for those books - and so I did; thus I began reading about food once more.
This feels absolutely right and it leaves me with happy, intriguing thoughts on cooking and eating. To my surprise, this has also led to ideas on clearing and tidying up, beginning (not surprisingly) with the kitchen. One step paves the way for the next, and I find myself carrying out my pending chores in an unplanned but simple manner (they are far from over, in case you would like to know!).
I have seen this ease and efficiency when the spirit (a word I use, but others may put it differently) expresses itself - a non linear, ill defined path that a computer would not be able to traverse, but which humans can do effortlessly at times. Often it results in the feeling, "Why didn't I think of this before?"
I am grateful for all the help and happiness I received this year through various people, near and far. Many friends reached out to us during our time of grief, the thoughts and feelings they shared helped to comfort us and fill a void.
Apart from this, there were acquaintances and friends, new and old, who made a difference to my life this year. I'm mentioning a few of them-
Our cook in Delhi, Pushkar, who spent his own money in keeping the household going while my mother-in-law was in hospital, and did not even mention it until he was asked when his last salary had been paid. He knows what each person likes to eat and makes a special effort to cook these when we visit, without our asking.
My driver, Busanna, who received a call yesterday morning, telling him that his young nephew had died in the village. He was driving Nayan and me to school and did not tell me until we reached. He tried to make arrangements to go home once his driving duty for the day ended, but this meant he would miss the funeral, and so he decided not to go. I was making arrangements for another driver but he said it would not be necessary.
These are the kinds of people upon whom we depend, without whom our lives would be much harder and less happy, and it is only fair (as Pushkar requested while talking at my mother-in-law's memorial) that they be treated with consideration and compassion.
Other people, who, by being what they are, have enriched my life, and that of my family-
Nora, a wonderful friend, and a gifted acupuncturist, whose wisdom and love always help me while I am faltering (and whose writing I love to read).
Danny, whose quest for tribal carpets leads him to central Asia, but also to Bangalore, where his carpets now have a happy home. He spontaneously and very kindly offered his newly set up carpet studio as a place to hold a memorial for my mother-in-law, and it was the perfect place for such an occasion. His family- Renuka, Luri and Tulu, who bring us great happiness in little ways.
Prakash, one of the last few accordion players in the country, who plays just because he wants to (and has an immense repertoire of music stored in his head) - who deals with family responsibilities with the same apparent ease that he displays while playing his music.
Amit, the jazz guitarist, who is trying to make a place for himself in busy LA, but who always has time for us when he's visiting Bangalore.
Vikram, a new friend discovered during my son's swimming expeditions, an author who spends his time writing and swimming and occasionally giving me advice on how to get published (with no success so far)!
Tanu, sister-in-law, but more of a sister and friend, the one I turn to for all my needs in Delhi (and who never fails in her attempts to help!)
Andrej, the scientist of Slovenian origin, with an extraordinary mind and heart, who stepped into our lives quite by chance.
To these, and others who make our lives rich and complete- and to all my readers - for helping me sustain this blog! A big thank you (for wading through my writing) and a happy new year!
No comments:
Post a Comment